Before I start my story I should probably say that I am currently working in Kingston, Jamaica. I have met a lot of really amazing people here. Some of these people are just sacrificing so much to serve God, that it’s really awe inspiring. I was supposed to meet a pastor this week; he did a lot of work in one of the most violent areas in Kingston, Rema. This pastor went into that community and started rebuilding. He helped at the school I’m working at. I still hadn’t met him because he’s been so busy. On Friday he was murdered with a pitchfork. All people are saying is that his past caught up with him, which in Jamaica implies “sexual immorality.” Now many of the people of Rema are crying out against Christians, and threatening their lives. The really strange thing though is that most Jamaicans, believe in Jesus, they see him as God; but many people here don’t think God has any role in their lives. They feel completely displaced, like they live in an environment so godless that developing a relationship is futile. I think what the people are really mad at the pastor about is that they wanted to feel that change was possible, and now because a pastor couldn’t be perfect, they feel like it’s not possible for them. The thing is, in this country I think Christians make people feel that way. There is so much thinly veiled judgment in the church community that it’s hard to breathe sometimes. It often sounds like if you’re not a Christian you’re a member of an inferior species. Today at a prayer walk some one prayed that certain poor communities will “cast off their animal ways.” To me when people do that they’re misusing the name of Jesus. Jesus didn’t shed his blood just for Christians, or just for super-Christians who carry their Bibles in special cases or affix crosses on every possible accessory. Jesus died for all of us. As a Christian, I feel like it’s our responsibility to reach out to people, regardless of whether they’re Christian or not. It’s our responsibility to provide fellowship. Here, when I meet people, when I say I’m a Christian, I feel some recoil and become more apprehensive. That tears me up inside because, that kind of fear won’t bring people to God. Fellowship and openness provides an opportunity to bring people in, to grow and experience God’s love. Judgment doesn’t. I wasn’t always a Christian, and luckily I wasn’t cast aside like a leper. I understand what people are trying to accomplish here with strict rules and judgment. They feel like they’re throwing a lifeline of structure in a society that is so chaotic and unstable. They’re providing another option in a country that is filled to the brim with crime, corruption and other troubles. I’ve been thinking a lot about the Parable of the Sower. Especially, when Jesus says “Other seeds fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants” Matthew 13:7 (NIV). I think of those thorns now, not only as natural flaws, but obstacles of environment, and socio-economic situation. Any one who has ever gardened knows that you don’t get plants to grow in tough soil by cursing. The plant needs work, time, attention and love. Jesus used metaphors because when every thing else becomes so complicated it’s easier to look at things in simple terms. I pray that Christians of Jamaica will take a step back, use the metaphors Christ has given us and say “Look here, yelling’s not really going to work.”
Monthly Archive for June, 2007
My poor stomach. It’s been through a lot this year. I’m generally pretty calm, but whenever I think of some new lesson for school that isn’t your normal lesson or a trip that the school doesn’t want to back me on I end up making myself almost sick worrying if it will work or not. Towards the end of the year my ninth grade World Literature class had been studying poetry. It went alright. Reading poetry is not always so exciting, so instead I thought I’d offer an “Optional Extra Credit Field Trip” to check out some thought provoking art and hear a bit of poetry [at the Art Opening held on June 1st at Broad & Washington]. I also offered extra credit if you stood up and read a poem of your own. I really wasn’t so sure if anyone would come. Being in Camden most of my kids rarely cross the bridge unless it’s to go to The Gallery and a lot of the parents aren’t to cool with driving around the city, especially when it’s for poetry and art. Well Friday night comes and everyone tells me they are coming which is what they always say. I give out directions and my phone number and tell the kids I’ll be there around eight. My gig with Aiden James goes a bit long because the dude before us decided to oblige the driver going by and actually play “Freebird.”
When I show up at 8:30 I am immediately swarmed by seven or eight kids who all begin telling me their stories of how they read, how great it was, how everyone stood up and clapped for Tiffany after she read, how Alton made everyone go again and Angel read despite his raspy voice and quiet meek Jasmine had the courage to go up and kick the whole night off. They also told me how they had met “the church.” It was one of my proudest moments of the school year. I could not have asked for a better end of the year. I got to see a few of the kids read before the end of the night, introduce them to the church, and then we hung out until after ten before they went home. For the last few weeks of school this is all anyone talked about in class. About fifteen kids showed up with various family members and friends in our Broad and Washington space for poetry. And a little bit of extra credit.
My buddy Aaron wrote a lyric to God one time that went something like “I used to wonder where you were-but these days I can’t find where you’re not.” This line resonates with me. I used to see God in the happy times, not so much in the hard times. I’ve learned that even in the roughest places, in the most hopeless situations, and in the most jacked up relationships we have a hope that Jesus will do his thing…bringing dead things to life. I see God in the hard times as well.
When I am feeling tired I can come up with a long list of situations that would generally be considered worthy of inspiring despair, hopelessness, and/or quitting. I’m kind of good at it. I’ve also been learning to go to God in those moments, something I’m getting better at. Going in those moments to God is asking for the transformation, asking for the light in a dark place.
Isn’t it in the darkest moments that Christ’s light shines the brightest (like here). A dark situation that way too many of us know is cancer. Cancer sucks. As my friends Andrea, Kelly & their family learn to live with cancer, I have learned a thing or two about how bright Christ’s light can shine. So have they (check out their blog-Punk Rock Mommy).
They have written a lot that moved me (this post in particular, by Kelly), but I’m more inspired by Jesus’ shining through their lives. So here’s one thing I’m learning about how Christ’s light shines…it’s not enough to just talk about the light (as if it were some interest of ours), we have to be the light (in letting Christ shine through our transformation). Their blog isn’t just writings about what they think-it’s a snapshot into their God working in a tough situation. I’m glad to know them.
It’s one thing to say “yup, there’s God’s light shining: it’s a yellowish color and its heat can be measured in degrees” and another to be God’s light. You can tell people about this thing called the sun that makes things warm, makes us happy, grows us, and gives off light-but we’re still trying to convince them to get outside. When we let Jesus work, when we participate in that work-we are being the light and God’s light comes into the world. We all experience the light, and it’s contagious.
Being the light speaks volumes to a generation of people who need hope. Being the light let’s Jesus do his own PR. I’m glad that there are more and more Kelly & Andrea’s showing plainly Jesus working in tough moments. Be the light and let Christ’s light shine through our transformation.
So, the latest conflict for me is brewing inside. God has put a desire on my heart to redirect what I do for a living, or what some might call a job. I think he wants to give me a vocation instead. This is what some might refer to as a calling. For me, it means a redirecting….a changing….which brings conflict….the good kind. I need your help.
For those of you who may not know me, I am educated as an architect, have spent the last 9 years or so both drawing and building houses and other structures, and am continually frustrated and bothered by the following:
-our perpetual waste of resources (misuse of Creation)
-unsustainable construction practices / unsound design / inefficiency in general
-the skyrocketing cost of real estate / lack of affordable housing
-homeless folks and the 40,000 or so houses that aren’t occupied in Philly alone
-the violence that stems from rampant, unchecked gentrification WITHOUT justice
-systemic racism
-casinos and the riverfront that I can’t access
-not enough trees and parks and playgrounds
-condos, and why houses just make more sense for everyone
-violence in our city, and the false sense of security we’re searching for here
I am also into the idea of being a Jesus-follower all the time. I have never understood compartmentalizing one’s life into sections where you get to act a certain way in front of different circles of people. I’m not saying I don’t do this, its one of the sins I am still addicted and dying to, but I am learning to be as Paul puts it in 1 Corinthians 9:
“19Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. 20To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. 21To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. 22To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. 23I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.
24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.”
I would like to “run in such a way as to get the prize” for Jesus (and yet I am usually disgusted at the hint of competition; it’s why I surf and don’t play competitive sports J) I think Paul though, is making a point here to not fall prey to apathy and comfort in what we do, and more importantly, how we are, for Jesus. I keep hearing that we need to keep going, and to find life in the work we are called to by God, to find life in this mission. I realize though, that I could easily fall prey to my own ideas, my own cleverness, and miss what the Spirit is calling us to next. I would like to use this blog space to put it out there to see what others might have to say. Maybe that is selfish, but like Paul, I too wish to “share in its (the gospel’s) blessings.”
Here are some questions I need help with (in no particular order of importance) to redirect what I, and more vital, we can be doing with the time we have been given:
What are the attributes of a design that promotes proactive peacemaking, anti-racism, community building, affordability, sustainability, and justice? Can we make houses that produce all of their own renewable energy? Can we do this work in community? How do non-profits work? Is anyone else interested in this stuff and what should we do about it? Can we re-knit the fabric of this already great city back together in peace? What is the future of Philadelphia? What do we do with all the vacant buildings, and all the vacant land around here? What does beauty look like to you? What does a good neighborhood look like to you? Why stay in the city anyway? Is what we receive from Jesus enough? What do we do with all of our excess? What does it mean to be safe and secure? Is ‘sustainability’ a.k.a. “green design” even possible without love? Can we build community in a country at perpetual war? What can we learn from squatters about a necessary and efficient use of resources, both here and worldwide? Where is the Spirit leading us next?
The great thing is that many of you are already answering these questions as I write this. There’s the [Circle Venture teams] Water Team, Shalom House, The Urban Farm Team, free ESOL classes, Baby Goods Exchanges, Circle Thrifts, plus The Simple Way, Camden House all of you amazing individuals I get to be connected to, and the list goes on and on. We’re all in this for Jesus. We’re working on being transformed and on transforming. We’re learning how to receive from Jesus and to let that be not just enough, but so much that we can’t keep it all and have to give so much more away! We’re learning how to live together and to build community, and to keep building beyond what is comfortable or known to us right now. It’s a stretch but I believe there is more that God has in store for us, and so many other partners. What do you think?
I was having dinner with a remarkable group of friends this week. They were all people who had really invested themselves in the development of Circle Thrift. We were chatting about seeing God in that process and our gratitude. Toasting, telling stories, lots of laughter, some tears. What a delight. And what an accomplishment to have two stores now, providing jobs, meeting neighbors, and supplying funds for vital work around the world. So that was cool.
The other thing that also happened was the small one-on-one conversations that inevitably occur in settings like this. Some of my friends began to tell me about their fears and struggles in bits and pieces as the evening went on. Concern about how they’re parenting or the hurt they still feel and wish they didn’t from relationships in their lives. Their sense of failure or anger, but determination to press on. Their longing for a way forward.
A simple dinner party, I thought. But here I am again in the middle of life with its tugs to joy and to sorrow, one and the other stuck together. I think sometimes this is the deepest challenge life brings – to hold and celebrate the good we are given while also embracing the unfinished sadness and never allowing one to eradicate the other because that would be false and ultimately not a way forward, but a diminishment of ourselves.
To accept and hold these opposites in our awareness is faith in action. It’s faith that allows us to face our realities while hanging on to what is not yet, hoping good will come through the pain and simultaneously to count the unfathomable blessings of the present moment. Sometimes we have to simply stand fast in this middle place even as we feel lost. Our culture doesn’t get it about this secret to growth. All the time we’re told and sold methods of self-improvement or plans to experience only good feelings and exciting successes. As for me, I’d rather have dinner with friends who toast and laugh and give thanks while they open their hearts to the real sadnesses they encounter. I think this is what keeps us longing for what God might do next and alert enough to catch a glimpse of God in our midst.
Putting on concerts (shows) has always been a thing for me. Since I was about 16, I’ve been arranging shows of some sort or another. And looking back, they’ve always taken place in rooms other than music venues. Whether it’s my parent’s living room, a stuffy basement, church space, or community building, they’ve always been outside of bars/clubs etc. I think all along there has been a hope for a dialog of some sort to occur if everyone is outside of spaces with a stage, bouncers at the door, and beer bottles chinking a soft refrain. By dialog I mean a space where a performance can take place and the audience is a part of the general feeling of the night. Where the performers can see the audience just as much as the reverse. It has never made sense to me for 20-50 people of varying sorts to enter a space and be drowned out by however the grouping at the front of the room are feeling that night. I’m not thinking communal to the point where the “band” is dismantled but where the audience can ask a question of the band, can maybe talk to their neighbor, or even take the music being played and do something constructive with it (maybe draw/write to it, or just sit with it for later use).
I guess it’s this idea of use that I’m most concerned with. Nights can be valuable, sometimes the past month is eating us away, and we need to recess to a dark corner of a music venue (or movie theater) to figure things out (or the complete opposite..). Having sound and vision to entertain us for a couple hours was the norm. Drink, have some bar talk, barely listen to music or a movie, this has been our way.
However, my interactions with attendees to shows I’ve been putting together the past couple months suggests a new thinking. I might be taking a jump, but with the advent of blogs, myspace pages, youtube videos etc., I think small concerts might start morphing. At just about every show I’ve hosted, someone has wanted to talk. This could concern everything from their 20 year background in the underground noise scene, the differences between the Amish and Mennonites, and what gear they use to some pretty serious subjects like how to grieve for a passing father or how to balance the morality of what happens at a show on Monday night with what happens at a “service” on a Sunday. I feel people are coming to shows ready to talk, no more to just be an observer and be spoken to but willing to engage themselves verbally. Through the expression of blogs where everyone has an opinion, shows are becoming more meeting grounds of equal voices.
An accomplice to these ideas can be the distance between musician and fan. I remember writing to a record label to receive a paper catalog of their albums and then maybe a band would include a personal mailing address on an album. Weeks would go by and nary a word, most of the time I doubted the envelope ever made it. But now, you can be “fakreal” friends with your favorite band, receive updates of their every action, and preview songs not yet released. All this hopefully in the end contributing to more of a level ground for performer and fan. I’m not promoting a future where the spectacle of a performance is belittled to the point of becoming unnecessary or blasé, but rather a night where the crowd can chime in freely. “So, what was that song all about” “Where did you learn to play a no-input mixing board” “Hey, Claudie, you know how my father is…”. 4 people at the front of the room getting a night to express themselves will no longer be enough, however, everyone in the room will be able to contribute somehow and move the night forward. It’s almost like going to the museum and interesting yourself more with the comments of a family as they walk into the Cy Twombly room than with looking for yourself at the same paintings you’ve looked at too many hours before. It creates something specific for that moment, that night, so that a band playing in Chicago and then playing in Philly are two specific events, not events where the same “set” was played out like every other night but one where the people in the room made it unique. Too cheesy and romantic, possibly. After some of the conversations I’ve had at shows with utter strangers, it seems more tangible each time.
Wow, life really feels great right now. I have so much that’s going on in my head, so much to be thought about, so much to be put down on paper, and so much time in which to do it! Bess and I are really going to do this: we’re really going to start our coffee shop! We’ve talked to so many people…so many! Business plan, business plan, business plan! That’s our first step. I was super intimidated by it at first, but now (since we got our ‘Everything You Need To Know To Start Your Own Business’ book) I’m feeling a lot more confident! In the midst of all these thoughts and things to do, I’ve felt so overwhelmed by God’s beauty. He has felt so near these past couple months and I am so thankful.
The other night I was laying in the back of our friends truck (just me and my bike) getting a ride home under the El and I had one of those moments where I felt God say “I’m here and I love you.”. It was so refreshing. The weather was beautiful, my friends in the front seat were beautiful, and I was at peace. I was staring at the underside of the El while we were moving quickly underneath it and all of sudden a train came rushing through. It startled me, but then it blessed me. We were moving right along with it for about a minute and I started to cry a little from the beauty of moving in unison with such a powerful machine. Maybe God was trying to tell me that things are more beautiful when we work together? possibly. whatever it was, I definitely needed it.
by Shelley Crognale
Running a thrift store may seem like its all fun and games, but really its serious business. I vividly recall sitting in Rod’s office after agreeing to explore the role of managing the second Circle Thrift and admitting I was scared. With tears in my eyes, I expressed how risky it felt. Rod tried to reassure me, “It will be okay if it fails!” It wasn’t until much later that I realized that what I felt was the fear of success, not failure. What would happen to me if this thing took off?
I have been playing it safe for a long time. For as long as I can remember, actually. I don’t even know how to ride a bike, for goodness’ sake.
I think it’s all mixed up with living half of my childhood with a sometimes recovered, a sometimes recovering and an often sick mom. She was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 13 and died when I was 23. The process of agreeing to lead Circle Thrift on Broad, though it may seem totally unrelated, has really been healing for me. Until very recently, I had this gut feeling that God just couldn’t be trusted. He seemed nice enough on the surface, how nice can a guy be when he lets your parent suffer and die? How could I believe that he would take care of me? I have two little kids and had just quit my job to spend more time with them. Saying Yes to leading the next Circle Thrift felt like a big risk to this little lady.
But the last several months I have been astonished at how God has honored my Yes. I have five responsible, fun, amazing employees who truly exude the love of God to every person who ventures down the stairs. I have Martha, a true friend and an amazing leader. She gives me tips, advice and guidance plus perspective, passion and energy. And it still blows my mind to think of the team that got this place fixed up and off the ground. There just ain’t enough vouchers to say thanks.
Last weekend, a pipe busted and the store flooded. I am talking puddles. On Monday, Martha and Dane spent a few hours shop-vac-ing the place and my cousin Jason and I gave it a good mopping later. This was a downer, but in the end a few bags of donations were all we lost. We also found out over the weekend that we are once again the recipients of a bigtime donation from the high-end and way cool store Anthropologie. Their donation to the first location netted so much money that we started to dream about the second store. And here we are.
Lately I have found myself humming the hymn, “In the Garden” (If you haven’t heard Over the Rhine’s version of it on their album, Films for Radio, you should check it out). In it, Charles Austin Miles describes a vision he had of the scene when Mary encountered the risen Lord. In 1913, Charles Austin Miles described it this way: “I read the story of the greatest morn in history. The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, while it was yet very dark, unto the sepulcher. Instantly, completely, there unfolded in my mind the scenes of the garden, where out of the mists comes a form, halting, hesitating, tearful, seeking, turning from side to side in bewildering amazement. Falteringly, bearing grief in every accent, with tear-dimmed eyes, she whispers, ‘If Thou has borne Him hence.’ He speaks, and the sound of His voice is so sweet the birds hush their singing. He said to her ‘Mary!’ Just one word and forgotten are the heartaches, the long dreary hours, all the past blotted out in His presence.”
I have been in the dark, in the mist and felt all those things: halting, hesitating, seeking, bewildered, faltering, amazed. It took a long time to hear, but I feel like Jesus has spoken my name. And I know that I am His own.