Monthly Archive for January, 2008

Rejuvenation

With the start of the new year, I like to look back at my accomplishments and make goals for myself for the coming year. Looking back at 2007, I realized that in the past year I have been completely rejuvenated by new relationships. Connecting with other people and learning to share my life with new friends built my confidence and made me feel like I have something to offer and I can receive what God has to offer me.

This time last winter I was in a bad place. I had quit my full time job to try and start my own business, but didn’t know what I was doing. Working from home seemed like such a great idea until I realized that it meant me sitting in my house all winter by myself talking to my cat and feeling guilty because I couldn’t figure out how to get any work done. I was lonely and frustrated. I had a few friends that I hung out with every once in a while and my cell was not growing. My slow break out of my own self pity came simply from getting out of my house and meeting new people.

I was lucky enough to land an awesome job at Circle Thrift a few mornings a week, which made me feel like I had some purpose and got me to socialize a bit. My cell also had a growth spurt and I started building friendships with my new cell members. By the summer, my cell was thriving and talking about multiplication and I was feeling more confident that people actually wanted to hang out with me and I had good things to offer. My new found confidence also helped my business and I started getting myself out there and selling more of my work. I felt like a part of something bigger. It was something I couldn’t feel alone in my house. I was a part of this larger community, sharing my life and learning from my friends.

Looking back at the past year, the biggest thing I have learned is that I need community. I love people. I love getting to know people and hearing their stories. I think I finally understand what it means to truly share my life and my experience and how life giving that is. I learned how to see God through my friendships and see God working in the lives of the people around me. Taking the steps to get up and out of my loneliness was the best thing I could have done for myself and I thank God that I was in the midst of these wonderful people who made me feel safe and loved. Thank you, friends.

CIRCLE TAKES THE SQUARE

How do i start this electronic correspondence? It surely is open-ended enough…The question was to write about Circle… At this present moment, (Tuesday January 22nd) one day after M.L.K. i sit in my classroom ready to take on the kids of North Philadelphia…I think about who and how and what kind of teacher i want to be? Is it a stern, strong, disciplinarian type…Ha ha…no thats not me…Is it the younger, more socially conscious, compassionate type…yeah sounds a little better…No what i want to be is a reflection of JESUS…I want to love my kids cause GOD loves me…and i want to reflect that love to them…Through the community at Circle with cell and the P.M’s and more importantly personal relationships with members of Circle i feel that i receive that love and am more reminded than ever that GOD IS LOVE AND LOVE IS REAL!!! This relationship spills over into my life with my kids…and my friends and family…I thank God for Circle…and its mission to display the love and compassion of Christ…I think we do an amazing job of it…especially for a bunch of broken down sinners like ourselves…So as one fallen person writing to the next i must be going on my way to educate the kiddies in the north ill-a-delph…Wherever this finds you i hope this finds you smiling…and in more realization of how blessed we are as a body of believers to have each other as a tangible representation of Jesus and his love for us….
Much love
Nicholas

finding God in the ER

I will often reflect on an event, especially a difficult situation, and look to see how God was working. It’s helpful for me to even get parabolic, even to break down the roles of an interaction and imagine who was God in the parabolic version of the situation. I learned a lot about the character of God on Wednesday when Helena broke her finger and needed medical attention.

Our little first grader was in the cafeteria about to eat her lunch. While getting onto the bench of the table she lost her balance and a pillar in the room awkwardly broke her fall when she caught her left pinky finger on the way down. It hurt. She went to the nurse for a cold pack and her finger started to swell big time. It was also quite bent. Helena told me that it looked like she had two thumbs on her left hand.

Martha picked her up and took her to the E.R. with Lily in tow. Six hours later they were ready to leave the waiting room (what a drag!), and when waiting for the doc to see her I got the call to bring up some dinner and relieve my wife. It turned out to be a fracture right above where her finger extends past her palm. She needed a cast, and to get the cast on they needed to manipulate the “new thumb.”

By 1am, the doctors were ready to put the cast on. They needed to give Helena local anesthesia by giving her several little shots into her knuckle (not a six year old’s favorite moment, as you can imagine). She was scared and it hurt (even though they sprayed her hand with “the cold stuff”) and I sat next to her and told her it was going to be okay, to breathe through it, that I was with her, and that it’s almost over. She made it, showing quite a bit of courage. She even got a pink cast (that matches all her clothes).

I think of God as the healer. We’re broken and God is the Great Physician who is going to come and heal. When healing comes, I don’t want a shot and I don’t want a cast. I want a miracle!

That night I learned a deeper sense of what God’s love as a Parent is. The miraculous healer was even understood by the people Jesus was talking to. When he scandalously referred to God as Father-even OUR FATHER-it was considered pretty much heresy.

God is not merely the delivery mechanism for a quick fix out of hard situations. I have learned this time and again. God doesn’t respond to our suffering with “ok, I’ll just make it better right now” all the time. Jesus helped bring God much closer than the stranger doctor who comes in at 1 in the morning and sticks us with needles. Jesus brought God so close as our Father who is close to us, who loves us, who suffers alongside us, and sees us through even the hardest of times. Especially in the hard times, rather than seeing myself just a patient in some cosmic doctor’s waiting room, I want to be God’s child.

Proselytizing

I never really understood proselytizing. It always seemed a little silly to me that in American to tell people about Jesus, I can’t believe that there isn’t one person in this whole country that has not heard of Jesus. Then it hit me awhile ago, when I was about to make a quick blurb at East about Free CFL.

For those of you who don’t know me I am a green nerd; there is no question about it. I drive a small car, wash my cloths in cold water, all my lights are CFLs, I hang all my clothes and don’t use my drier. In the summer I melt because I put my central air on for 1 week total. Since it is winter my house is set to 63 during the day and 60 at night. I am such a green nerd that I even blog about carbon offsetting.

I love telling people about being green. I love sharing easy little tidbits that save people money and reduce the amount of pollution they produce. Giving people out CFLs I find to be extremely rewarding. I like when people tell me they made positive changes that effect the environment because I told them about the benefits.

As I sat at East waiting to make my announcement about Free CFL is when I realized something, I am proselytizing green. That idea really caused some dissonance; I am still processing through this idea. I am so against proselytizing, I have become what I am so against.

Disclaimer: Of course there are HUGE differences between being a green nerd and a Christian and CFLs are not Jesus. Yes I also get that people proselytize to other people for a myriad of reasons and it is not as simple as I boiled it down to.

Old Cells Can Regenerate

Our assumptions about the church are biotic. “Biotic” is something that relates to, is produced by, or is caused by living organisms. The church is a living organism, created the same way God called humans into existence and created everything else.

So biologists often have something to teach us about how to be the church. The scientists who study cells can really enlighten us, since the basic building blocks of our church are cells and it’s all biotic. One of the things we have been thinking about is old cells. A cell that has been together for more than nine or ten months is getting kind of old. Some of our cells have been basically the same for even longer than that. Some old cells recently died and their members have yet to re-engage. What do we do?

Bring in the scientists. Researchers have been pondering whether old cells can be rejuvenated. They know it can happen, but how? One way to do it is to introduce new cells who have an impact on the old. But they have also discovered that old cells have the capacity to rejuvenate, themselves. Here’s the quote from The Scientist magazine:

“Old cells may regain a youthful phenotype when exposed to a young cell environment, say researchers in Nature this week. The results, say the authors, indicate that aged satellite cells have an intrinsic ability to regenerate.

We know old tissue repairs poorly, but it’s not because there aren’t stem cells ready to do the repair,” coauthor Thomas Rando told The Scientist. “The problem is, with age, the environment the stem cells hit changes, [and] it makes them less responsive.”…

We don’t know what the factors are [that control cell proliferation]… It may be as important, if not more important, to remove inhibitory factors from old serum than it is to add positive factors from young serum.”

We’re not an old church, but cells and cell leaders don’t necessarily have that long to live if they don’t consider how to regenerate. One way to stay “young” is to introduce new people. Cells gain “positive factors” when “young serum” is introduced. Another way to stay “young” is when the people who are already part of the cell are activated by God’s Spirit. Cells can revive when “inhibitory factors” are removed.

Have any ideas of what are the inhibitory factors making your “old” cell deteriorate? If they are removed, you might flourish. It is not an exact science, but you could try some things.

Let me get you started on listing some common inhibitory factors and you can complete your own list:

  • Maybe you won’t talk over the problems you have with or about someone and you talked to someone else about them instead – that’s a sure killer, usually. Remove the “anti- Matthew-18-factor.”
  • Maybe you only show up part time. Remove the “ambivalence-factor.” If you are “taking a break,” remove the “I’ll-get-back-to-you-when-I-have-time-to-care-factor.”
  • Maybe God is not obviously welcomed. The Lord is hardly impolite enough to crash your party. Remove the “I’m-controlling-this-factor.”

You get the idea. Warm up those test tubes! Let’s figure out what is going on before something deadly happens, or one of our cell dies of natural causes.

from despair to anger to joy

Prayer is a difficult thing. January marks two years of trying to get pregnant and I’ve done a lot of praying for a baby in that time. I’m taking a break from praying about it. A couple of months ago I hit my limit. After several weeks of despair and sadness, my response turned to anger. I couldn’t pray without yelling at God for not answering the way I want to be answered. Among those feelings are questions like, “if I pray differently will you answer differently?” and “what am I doing wrong to deserve this?” Rationally, I know the way I pray does not determine God’s answer and this isn’t a punishment. But it’s really hard to be rational when each month goes by without a baby.

Sometimes it feels like God must not be hearing me. The strange thing, though, is that I can pray earnestly for other people and know that God is with them. I know that God hears my prayers when I’m praying on behalf of someone else. I can see God working in the midst of others’ struggles.

So I trust that God is hearing others’ prayers for me. My response then is not anger at God but love for those who are bearing this with me and thanks to God for the people who are praying. God knows my prayer without me repeatedly yelling it, and I trust that he will hear my friends. I also trust that an answer will become clear through these prayers.

This break has really freed me to focus on the joy of Jesus this Advent season. I also took a break from fertility doctors and reading about infertility; I thought as little as possible about it. I felt like I could because others are carrying it to God for me. And I did feel joy!

I anticipate I’ll go through continuous cycles in this struggle, but I figured out something this time around.