Circle of Hope

by Zach Wood

Last week, my cell leader asked our group, “What has cell meant for you?” Now that’s maybe a vague question, but that’s how we like to do things. It didn’t take me long to come up with an answer to this, since it’s something that I have actually thought quite a bit about. I don’t recall exactly what I responded with, but it sounded a little bit like this:

I grew up in the church, in a family where it was required to be in church on Sundays. I could probably count on one hand the number of times I wasn’t sitting in the 4th pew on the left-hand side of the church (right-hand side from the pastor’s vantage point). When I turned 18, I gained a lot of things… I gained the ability to vote, the ability to buy cigarettes legally and the ability to stop going to church. I enjoyed all three.

I spent a long time in depression, growing bitter and condescending. I was such a good, caring person… trapped in an inner hell. It’s scary when you shun your soul so much that you no longer recognize yourself. After trying to help, my parents and friends began to get used to the cynical, angry person I had become, which only made it easier to continue that trend.

As a form of escape, I spent a 4-month hiatus in South Dakota to live on a Sioux reservation. It would be that turning point that I yearned for. That epic, life-altering experience to re-focus life’s lens. Well, it wasn’t quite that epic, but it was that first step that I needed. I saw purpose and light, and maybe realized some value in myself that I hadn’t seen in many years.

When I returned to Philadelphia, I started fresh, or at least with some peace. I began courting a young lady, and I still remember the confusion I had at why such a cool girl would go to church. I didn’t think young people even went to church anymore. But my mind was open and for the first time in a while, I was enjoying life again. At that time, I sincerely never thought I would ever attend a “church”, but that girl was too good to pass up, so I just rolled with it for a while.

I was asked to a cell, went, and desperately fought the urge to say, “This is so weird!” But my “curiosity” kept pulling me back. I was so intrigued with the fact that these people that I saw every week were really cool people. They struggled with doubt and frustrations and good times and bad times, and they shared it all, week in and week out. It was such a “real” time, and my new-found open-mindedness allowed me to finally soak reality in. I felt joy.

Now I find myself choosing to be at Circle almost every week, I find myself leading teams and hosting a cell. I find myself relating to people, opening up to people, sharing my struggles and helping my community work through theirs. I learned to live again.