Recently I found myself in a terrifying spot—the dentist’s chair about to have wisdom teeth pulled. I started my visit with my heart beat increasing and tears welling in my eyes all before the dentist walked in.
When he finally did walk in and confirmed that he would not be putting me “under” but simply inserting needles (GIANT needles to me) full of local anesthesia into the roof and base of my mouth, the tears that had been welling up started to pour out and I had to tell the dentist that I was terrified of the pain and of hearing him pulling out my teeth. Someone in my cell had actually warned me the night before about the ‘CRACK’ that I would surely hear while in the dentist’s chair.
The dentist was not pleased with my fear and was frankly pretty upset. He told me directly that I would simply need to calm down or leave. He said that all my “freaking out” would accomplish is that the teeth would probably be harder to pull out and that the local anesthesia would wear off faster, thus I would cause myself more pain unless I calmed down.
He left the room to let me try and pull myself together. I slipped on my cheap headphones purchased for $5 on a recent flight. One of the earphones didn’t work so I knew that I would still be able to hear the CRACK, if there was one. I knew that I had to pull myself together, but I wasn’t sure how.
Then I remembered that people in my cell were most likely praying for me right at that moment and that enabled me to pray for strength and for peace right in that moment. But how the heck was I supposed to do that with tears running down my face and my heart still racing?? Then I remembered a simple breathing technique that we’ve done at Circle many times. Breathe In—JESUS, Breathe Out—SAVES. I then changed it to Breathe In—JESUS, Breathe Out—PROTECTS ME.
After saying that little mantra over and over and over, I finally felt my heart slow down and the tears drying on my cheeks. I was ready for the dentist.
Thinking about it now, no wonder the dentist was upset, I was basically saying with my tears and racing heart that I didn’t trust him. I am certain that I do this with God all the time. Trusting that He is taking care of me and not being afraid of putting myself out there to be vulnerable is so hard to do. I guess in the end, I end up causing myself more pain by trying to handle fears by myself then trusting in God to carry me through it.
I’ve been with Circle Venture as the treasurer since May, but I still find it terrifying in many ways. Hopefully the experience on the dentist chair will remind me to trust in God and remember that simple breathing exercises are a big way to connect to God.
Trusting in God for strength may be working. Four months ago when I was asked to blog I conveniently had some excuse, but now I felt like I should just do it. Trusting in God—one step at a time. Breathe In—JESUS, Breathe Out—PROTECTS ME.